Confetti
by Caillech

In all the time they had known each other, Blair had never been this angry with Jim.

Short, ragged breaths kept pace with the almost manic clenching and unclenching of his fists as he tried to keep still.  The burning pain in his backside did not come close to matching the burning ache in his chest.

He had spent more time in this goddamned corner in the past few months than he cared to think about. But never before had he resented it like he did now.

And of course he was grounded…again. Many of his friends at Ranier didn’t even bother to include him anymore when making plans to attend group lectures or movies. Why bother? Blair had cancelled too many times with thinly veiled excuses of ‘something came up’. Forget about dates…girls were even less understanding than his friends when he’d had to call and cancel.

He made a move as if to turn from the corner, ready to confront Jim and tell him just what he could do with his rules. The attempt was met with one frosty sentence.

“Don’t even think about it, Junior.”

His bravado deflated, Blair spun back around. Fresh tears joined the dried tracks that covered his cheeks. Miserably, he contemplated the pattern made by the bricks on the wall in his ‘corner of the world’.

Was this the way Jim was going to treat him… the way a son should be treated? Was this his idea of fairness? What happened to all Jim’s talk that Blair could never be a disappointment to him…that Jim would always listen, that he knew how not to treat his son. What a load of crap! As the events of the last half hour replayed themselves in his mind, Blair’s resolve to make a stand reasserted itself.

“I’m going out for some air. When I get back we’ll continue this discussion. Your butt better be planted right there when I get back.”

Hearing the door shut and Jim’s footsteps moving away, Blair quickly left the corner and went to the kitchen. Snatching the list from the refrigerator door, he proceeded to methodically tear it into tiny shreds.

This time when the front door shut a shower of regret floated in the air of the empty loft.
 

%%%

Long determined strides propelled Jim out the door of 852 Prospect and carried him down the street…toward some measure of control. He would need all he could muster before returning to the loft and resuming the confrontation with Blair. He would not tolerate any ‘attitude’ from his guide…not over this incident. Preparing the upcoming lecture in his mind, he resolved to be adamant about delivering it… by hauling Blair across his knee again if necessary.

His walk had taken him several blocks, to the edge of a small playground area. He moved across the lawn and sat down wearily on one of the benches overlooking the sandbox. He allowed some of the tension to drain from his body as he automatically assumed watch over the youngest, most vulnerable members of his tribe.

Observing the frantic digging of a curly headed moppet plopped in the sand in front of him brought his focus back to his problem child. Blair. Jim had met the challenge of becoming his guide’s father as he did all challenges in his life. Head On.

Why did so many things with Blair have to be so difficult? Why couldn’t Blair just have trusted him? Damn it, Chief, did you really think I wouldn’t find out? That I wouldn’t call you on it?

The short time away from the loft had allowed Jim to re-focus his determination to impress upon Blair just who was the alpha male in the Ellison household. As he rose from the bench he cast another watchful look across the playground before turning and heading back to the loft.

Reaching the third floor, Jim noticed the conspicuous absence of a familiar heartbeat from behind the closed door. Not believing that Blair had had the audacity to leave the corner, much less the loft, Jim came through the front door. Scattered across the table, chairs and kitchen floor was what Jim could only describe as…
 

%%%

Blair moved cautiously out into the hall and slowly made his way down the three flights and out onto Prospect. Seeing Jim’s truck still parked in it’s customary spot, Blair cursed to himself in a dialect that would have gotten his mouth washed out with soap had Jim been there to hear or understand it. Which way had Jim gone? Bouncing nervously, he looked first one way then the other. Hoping his choice would take him in the opposite direction from wherever Jim had headed, Blair turned and hurried away.

Whereas Jim’s trek had been slow and determined, Blair’s was fast and frantic. He intended to put as much distance between himself and the loft as quickly as possible. He deliberately chose not to follow a straight path; instead, he wove up and down and in and out of side streets and back alleys. His trek finally brought him to a seedier part of Cascade, near the docks. Perfect…with a little more effort he was sure he’d be able to break every single rule before the day over.

Growing up without a father had left a hole in Blair’s heart that he hadn’t even realized was there until Jim filled it. But ever since the emergence of Jim’s paternal feelings for Blair, the subsequent imposition of ‘the LIST’ and the dreaded consequences of breaking one of the rules, Blair’s social life had suffered a significant decline. Gaining the security and stability of a true family had, up until today, seemed a fair trade for the fleeting and sometimes unfulfilling friendships of his past.

With a dejected sigh, Blair let his gaze wander out over the busy docks and beyond to the beauty of the calm Pacific Ocean. He slowed his breathing and tried to clear his mind. He had never been too successful at meditating standing up, but with the present state of his backside he’d have to give it a try. Once calm, he was sure he’d be able to think more clearly and be able to make some rational decisions regarding the present tattered state of his life.
 

%%%

Jim stormed out of the loft. The soft swish of the door closing sent the small paper shreds dancing once again. He barreled down the stairs and nearly collided with Simon on the second flight. Anger and concern warred with each other on Jim’s features.

“Whoa… Jim! Watch out. What the devil is going on?” Simon’s voice changed quickly from amusement to confusion at the look on Jim’s face.

“It’s Blair. I don’t have time to explain. He…. I…. I have to find him, Simon.” Jim momentarily allowed his worry to overcome his vexation at finding his son missing.

“Dear lord, what has that boy done now? Is he okay?”

“Well let’s just say I hope he hasn’t gotten far. If I have to spend half the day tracking his little butt all over Cascade he is going to be one sorry boy.”

“Does he have some secret aversion to sitting comfortably that we don’t know about?”

Simon’s tone changed to that of someone used to taking command of situations. “Has he been gone long?… Any idea where he’s headed?…Let’s take my car, we’ll look for him together.”

Jim realized he had no idea where Blair would have gone. He hadn’t seen him on his way back to the loft, but that didn’t narrow the search much. The Corvair was still here. How far could he have gotten on foot?

“Damn it, Simon. I just don’t know. We were having and in-depth discussion and I needed to take a breather. I wasn’t gone more than twenty minutes. I thought I had made it crystal clear to him that he wasn’t to leave. The discussion was far from over.”

Simon snorted. “Jim, my man, we are going to have to sit down and go over some parenting basics. If by discussion you mean what I think you mean, I’m not one bit surprised that, given the chance, Blair bolted. Especially if the discussion wasn’t over.” Taking charge, Simon placed a reassuring hand on his friend’s shoulder giving it a sympathetic squeeze. “Let’s go back up to the loft. You can give me a more detailed explanation of what precipitated this little discussion you were having. And maybe together we can figure out where he might be. If we’re lucky he’ll come to his senses and be back before we have to put out an APB.”

Exasperated, Jim rubbed his hand across his short hair and gave a slight nod. “All right, Simon. Thanks.”

Jim opened the door to the loft and ushered Simon in. As they turned to go into the kitchen Simon stopped dead in his tracks.

“What the hell…? Was there a ticker tape parade that I wasn’t invited to?”
 

%%%

Henry Brown could not remember ever being on a stakeout that was as boring as this one was turning into. He was going to have a serious talk with his informant as to why he had thought that their suspect was going to show up at the docks. Just as he was about to poke a snoozing Rafe in the ribs and suggest they pack it in, he noticed a lone figure hurrying into the area. There was something familiar about the guy.

“Hey, Rafe?” A soft snore was his answer. Leaning across the seat he gave his partner a quick shake.

“Huh? What is it H? You got something?” Rafe slowly pulled himself up straighter and looked out the windshield to where H was pointing.

“That look like Hairboy to you?”

“Yeah, it sure does. What do you suppose he’s doing down here? Is Jim around here somewhere?”

Glancing around the area for any sign of Jim or his truck, H gave a shake of his head. “Nope. No sign of Jim. What’s he up to? He looks a little agitated.”

“When doesn’t Blair look agitated…animated…whatever?” Rafe replied with a chuckle.

A frown creased Henry’s forehead. “This is different. He looks upset or something. This stakeout is a bust anyway. Let’s go check it out.”

By the time H and Rafe caught up to Blair they noticed that he had come to a complete stop. This was strange. Seldom had either of them seen Blair in anything other than what could best be described as Energizer Bunny mode. More concerned now, they hurried to where Blair stood. Easing up to the silent figure so as not to startle him, H reached out and gently laid a hand a Blair’s shoulder.

“Hey Hairboy, it’s H and Rafe…you okay? You look kind of strange. Did something happen? What’re you doing down here? Jim’s gonna have a hissy fit if he finds out you been hanging out in this part of town.”

Blair ignored the concern in H’s voice. All he heard was ‘Jim’s gonna have a hissy fit’. Well who cares what Jim thinks? And what business was it of theirs, anyway? But before he could voice his retort he was cut off by Rafe’s observation.

“Blair…what’s all that little white stuff in your hair?”
 

%%%

Simon and Jim sat in the living room sipping coffee as Jim’s explanation of the day’s events spilled out. Simon hadn’t seen Jim like this in a long time. Sheer anger at Blair, without even a hint of Jim’s paternal understanding, was evident. Jim was making it very clear that Blair’s actions had been completely unacceptable and that the punishment dished out earlier was more than deserved. With more to come, apparently.

Simon held up a hand, halting Jim’s words. “Okay, Jim…take it easy here. What did Blair have to say about the whole thing? Did he give you any reasons for his actions?”

“After what I just told you do you think I gave him the opportunity to hand me one of his elaborate obfuscations? Believe me, Simon, I was in no mood for one of his little song and dance routines. The only discussing that took place was between my hand and his butt.”

“Are you telling me that you never gave Blair a chance to explain?” Simon understood first hand the way discipline was handled in the Ellison household. Blair had come far in changing his impetuous behavior thanks to Jim. But up until now Jim had, to Simon’s knowledge, always included a ‘real’ discussion along with any discipline that was dispensed. If there was even the slightest chance that Blair had not been given the opportunity to explain his actions or, worse yet, if Blair hadn’t done what he had been punished for…then, Simon feared, some major damage might have been done to Jim and Blair’s relationship.

“Maybe you should tell me again what all this was about. With a little more detail this time. Thinking over what you told me earlier, Jim, is it at all possible that you might have assumed a few things, jumped to a few wrong conclusions? Try explaining to me exactly which rules Blair disregarded.” As the words left his mouth, Simon suddenly realized the significance of the paper shreds that had by now been swept into a small pile in the kitchen.

A soft moan escaped his lips. “Aww, Blair…”
 

%%%

Blair had regained his voice. And movement. And anger. H and Rafe watched silently as Blair paced back and forth in front of them, hands waving wildly, tiny shreds of paper floating around his face and head as they flew from the unruly curls.

He regaled them with the unfairness of life under the paternal guidance of one James Joseph Ellison. “You think Jim will have a hissy fit? Well too bad, too damn bad. Does he really think he can ground me for the rest of my life? Does he care that I have no life anymore outside of what he approves? Does he really think that I have no say over where I go or when I wanna go there? Does he think being my father always makes him right? He said he’d always listen to me, man…would always treat me fairly. Well, me and my butt are seeing things a little differently at the moment.”

Blair stopped and looked sheepishly at the two detectives. Oops…he hadn’t meant to say that last part out loud. He suspected that H and Rafe both knew that Jim had spanked him on more than one occasion, but no one had ever actually said anything about it.

Rafe and H exchanged a worried glance. The knowledge that they were both presently on Ellison’s shit list regarding two recent incidents with Blair made them extremely anxious to handle this situation correctly. Neither man wanted to offer advice that would put them irretrievably out of Jim’s good graces.

Rafe shrugged his shoulders and with a totally helpless look on his face indicated that the next move was up to H.

Rolling his eyes in irritation at his partner’s present uselessness, H ventured a suggestion. “What’dya say we give Joel a call?”
 

%%%

The first thing Joel Taggart did upon arriving at the docks was to pull Blair into a warm embrace. H had not been very informative as to the nature of Blair’s distress, only that he and Rafe were way out of their element and needed Joel at the dock area ASAP.

No amount of pleading or cajoling on their parts had enticed Blair to move the session to another location. Blair assumed that once they got him into their car they would take him back to the loft. At the moment the loft was the last place he wanted to go.

“It’s okay, Blair. It’ll be all right.” Joel’s comforting words washed over him. “Why don’t you try telling me what happened? Then we can try and decide what needs to be done.”

Finally. Someone to whom he could tell his side of what happened. He motioned for Joel to walk with him. He knew H and Rafe were concerned but he felt it easier to confide in Joel. The soft spoken captain was one of the first members of the Major Crime unit to accept Blair and they had shared a special bond ever since. Embarrassed by the earlier events of the day Blair nevertheless told Joel every painful detail of what had transpired, confidant that Joel would understand and the information would be kept between the two of them.

Blair was making solemn heart-crossing motions with his hands. “I swear, Joel. I didn’t do anything. I don’t know why Jim was so angry. When he left he said he’d be back to discuss things further. But I honestly don’t think he meant talk. I was just so mad. It all just sort of overwhelmed me. Suddenly so many things seemed so unfair. I had to get out of there. I’m still not sure I want to go back…ever.”

Joel reached over and ran a soothing hand up and down Blair’s arm. His words were soft and heartfelt. “You don’t mean that Blair. You and Jim have a good thing going. We all know he can be a total asshole and major pain in the ass, but he’s nowhere near the jerk he was before you came into his life. We can all see that Jim has made a big difference in your life too. All parents make mistakes. Sometimes, really big ones. And Jim is new at the whole concept. Doesn’t make it easy…for either of you. Or right. But I know you and Jim can work this out. How about we give it a try? We’ll take you back to the loft, but we won’t leave until or unless you say so.”

A small sob and sigh of relief escaped Blair’s lips. “Thanks, Joel. All right. I guess I’m willing to try. Take me back to the…Take me home.”
 

%%%

Simon Banks was furious. He stared at Jim, disbelief at his friend’s ‘explanation’ of events evident in his stance. “Would you just listen to yourself, Jim? If this were a case you were trying to build against a suspect it would be thrown out. The gap between the evidence and your conclusions would span the Mississippi.”

Standing at the balcony doors, Jim stared remorsefully out across the city. “What have I done, Simon? How could I have reacted that way? I was just so sure…As if Blair hasn’t had enough to deal with lately, now I go and do something as stupid as this. How am I ever going to fix this?”

As if in answer to a silent prayer, Jim became aware of the approaching sound of his guide’s heartbeat. Moving swiftly to the door, he opened it to find his son flanked by a bodyguard of extended family. Ignoring their protective stance, he shouldered past them and grabbed Blair into a hug.

Cupping Blair’s tear stained cheeks in his hands, Jim looked into the moisture filled eyes of the most important part of his life. In that instant the bond between sentinel and guide, father and son, re-connected.

“Please.” Jim’s soft plea reached his son’s ears. “Please forgive me.”

It didn’t change what had happened. It didn’t make everything right. But the bond between them could not be ignored.

Blair’s soft response touched his father’s heart. “I love you dad…there’s nothing to forgive.”
 

%%%

To Jim’s amazement the entire gang stayed. He would have invited them anyway if he had been given the chance. He watched in astonishment as they instinctively hovered in a protective circle around Blair. He would have been amused by it if it hadn’t been so damn embarrassing to know that he was the perceived threat.

Needing to establish some sort of authority in his own home and re-assert his claim as the one that should be doing the protecting of the bundle of chaos that was his son, Jim decided to go with the obvious. He moved closer to the little group and cleared his throat.

“Ah…could I have a show of hands here. Everyone in agreement with the fact that I am an over-reactive, stubborn, pain-in-the-ass jerk, please raise your right hand.”

With snorts and chuckles five hands immediately shot into the air. Jim’s eyes crinkled in mirth and locked onto Blair’s equally bemused features. A sixth hand joined those already raised and the vote was unanimous.

The tension in the room melted away as drinks and snacks were offered.

H and Rafe scrambled to get Jim’s attention and recount both their efforts and success in returning Blair to his home.

“Come on, Jim, my man…we did good, right? We didn’t let him take off…we, uh, we tried to find out what was wrong…we…um…we…” H was fumbling now for the right words.

Rafe cut in and summed up their part in things. “We called Joel.”

Truly grateful that these two well-meaning clowns were in the right place at the right time today, Jim decided to let them stop squirming.

The two partners fidgeted slightly when Jim pinned them with his steely blue eyes. Both men relaxed and broke into huge grins at Jim’s next words.

“Thanks, guys. You did real good. I’ve heard it said that god watches out for children and fools. I just never knew that sometimes he sends other children and fools to do the watching.” At this, Jim grabbed a handful of chips and moved away toward Simon and Joel before his words could sink in.

A sappy smiled settled on Rafe’s face. “You hear that H? He says we did good! What’s the matter? Why the look?”

The grin on H’s face had been replaced by a confused scowl. “You know, babe? I think we’ve just been insulted.”

Blair stood back and watched with fascination as Simon and Joel took Jim aside. Not feeling comfortable with listening in on the conversation that was taking place, he retreated a few more steps and allowed the anthropologist in him to view the interaction. Observing the body language of the three men, it was apparent that Jim was on the receiving end of one of Simon’s lectures. Joel was allowing Simon to do most of the talking, adding insights and comments every so often. Jim was listening intently to his two friends, his head nodding in agreement at times and shaking in self-reproach at others.

The impromptu gathering soon broke up. Jim wrapped a protective and comforting arm around Blair’s shoulders as good-byes were said at the front door.

H and Rafe exchanged mock punches with Blair before heading off. “Later, babe.”

Joel approached and Jim momentarily released his grip on Blair to allow the big captain to claim a warm embrace of his ‘nephew’.

“You need anything, Blair…anything…you call me, you understand?”

“You got it, Joel…and thanks, man… for, well…you know.” A huge grin accompanied the heartfelt words.

Simon stepped up to claim his turn at hugging the troublesome munchkin that had become such an important part of all their lives.

“I’m getting to old for all this. I swear, between the two of you…” Simon turned his gaze pointedly at Jim. “…I’m going to lose what little hair I have left.”

Looking down at Blair, he added his own mock-serious warning. “Behave yourself, young man.”

As he made his way to the stairs, he heard Blair’s loudly shouted reply.

“Yeeeessss, Uncle Simon.”
 

%%%

Jim steered Blair over to the couch and they both sat. Blair fidgeted slightly, his butt still sore from the earlier spanking.

Father and son had a long talk regarding the events that had made Jim so mad. Allowing Blair to present his case, the sentinel allowed himself to gauge his guide’s vital signs and knew for a fact what a fool he’d been.

His heart froze when Blair asked, “What about my running away? It is a rule on the list…I did break it.”

Jim had of course rescinded the grounding. But should he punish Blair for running off? Was Blair testing him? Did he think after the uncalled for spanking earlier in the day that he shouldn’t be punished for breaking a rule?

Making a decision, Jim declared, “Yes, you did break a rule. A big one.”

Blair gulped as he was pulled up from the couch. He was testing Jim, he realized. Before he could analyze that thought, Jim landed several light harmless swats to his still tender backside. “Don’t ever do it again, Junior.”

One more question lingered in Jim’s mind as he reviewed his son’s actions.

“Why did you shred the list, Blair?” Jim asked quietly.

Blair shifted from foot to foot, glancing nervously around the room, trying to put into words the reasons for his actions.

“I needed to make a statement, take a stand. With every smack that landed on my butt you spelled out which rule you were sure that I had broken. Standing in the corner, thinking about how unfair the spanking was, led me to analyze how unfair all the rules seemed. But, I wasn’t ready to tear you up and throw you away. The list was just an easy way to vent my anger.”

Blair moved quickly into the kitchen and began rummaging through the cupboards.

A confused Jim followed and observed the mad search that was being conducted.

“What on earth are you looking for? Can’t it wait?”

Pulling the object of his quest from a spot on the top shelf, Blair next moved to the spot on the kitchen floor where the shredded list had been swept and forgotten. Kneeling down, he removed the cover of the small crystal candy dish and deposited the remains of the list in the bowl. He replaced the cover and proceeded into the living room with a concerned, confused Jim in tow. He went to the bookshelf and carefully placed the dish on the middle shelf. Running his fingertip over the etched design, he turned and looked at Jim.

“I want it to be a reminder. Of what I...what we…almost threw away.”

Jim reached out and squeezed his son’s shoulders. “Good idea, Chief.”

“Now about the list…” Jim ventured.

“Say no more.” And with that, Blair found a notepad and pen and together he and Jim re-wrote all the rules.

Once or twice Blair would ask innocently, “Are you sure that was one of the rules? I’m not sure I remember that one…”

A lazy swat to the back of Blair’s curly head was Jim’s only answer.
 

%%%

Surveying the darkened loft, Jim silently counted his blessings and reflected on all that had transpired after the return of his wayward son. He allowed his gaze to settle on the newest knick-knack to adorn their home. He silently chastised himself for his rash actions and how he had come so close to losing that which he held most dear…this time due to his foolishness rather than Blair’s recklessness.

Heading to the kitchen to turn out the last light, Jim stopped for a moment at the door to his son’s room and listened with contentment to the reassuring sounds of Blair’s slumber.

As he reached to turn out the light above the sink Jim looked over at the refrigerator and scanned the newly re-written list that hung there.

It was laminated.
 

End.

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